Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
