If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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