and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
