Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
