I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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