Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
