just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
