Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
