I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
