i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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