Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize