You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
