# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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