I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
