Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
