In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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