Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
