Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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