We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
