Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
