Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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