Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
