do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
