Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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