I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
