Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
