when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
