I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Say something about gay babies.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sext me about skeletons
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
