I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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