i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
