I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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