I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
