I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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