perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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