im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
