i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
