True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
