I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
