I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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