I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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