they need to just BURY HIM!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
