the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
