he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
