What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
