She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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