I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
