just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
