if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
