if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
