Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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