I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
