so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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