I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sex in a hospital.. check
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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