people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
