You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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