I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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