remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
