one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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