I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
