Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
