i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
