I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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