Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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