I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
