..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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